“So, when are you getting married?” is the age-old question asked by all of your older relatives once you get into a relationship. 

While some people are eager to get married, others are not so fond of the idea. Whichever side you are on, I think everyone can agree that taking the next step to marriage is not an easy one. 

Marriage is not something that one should rush into, as there are multiple considerations to think about before agreeing to intertwine both your lives. Apart from trying to buy a house together, you would need to discuss finances and your stance on starting a family. On the more trivial side, you may need to do a ‘trial run’ with your partner to see if their living habits and general quirks are things you can deal with in the long term, and of course if you foresee yourself feeling the ‘spark’ with your partner in the long term. 

According to this article by BRIDES, many couples would prefer to date for 2-5 years before getting engaged. An anomaly of this phenomenon is TikTok-famous couple Aileen and Deven, who mainly create couple content on social media. They have been dating for 12 years and yet there is no sign that they will announce their engagement any time soon. This has sparked heated debate in their comment sections: as to whether waiting so long would be considered a red flag or not. Some followers even expressed disappointment that Deven had not proposed to Aileen yet, while others came to their defense, stating that they started dating at a young age, so it was normal to wait for a while before getting married. However, this makes us wonder: is there really such a thing as waiting too long to get married?  

Aileen and Deven together. (Photo taken from @aileenchristineee  on Instagram)

In the Asian context, marriage isn’t typically a spur of the moment thing. After the proposal, couples would need to complete a list of tasks before being considered married legally. The first step for some couples would be to obtain legal documentation such as the Registry of Marriage Certificate (ROM). The ROM is needed to prove the validity of marriage, and a solemnisation would have to be planned as well.

The Registry of Marriages, where you can obtain a ROM certificate. Photo by Annika Mei Das.

Some couples will also choose to apply for a Build To Order (BTO) Housing Development Board (HDB) flat before or while waiting for their ROM. Whether you choose to plan a traditional or modern solemnisation, or 2 separate ceremonies in some cases, all of these would require a hefty amount of money and rigorous planning before you can even declare that you are officially married – on paper and on social media. 

Another factor to consider is whether you would like to have children. While it is not necessary to be legally married before having children, most couples prefer to be married due to the legal benefits such as bonuses. In this case, waiting close to five to ten years when you are in your late twenties to thirties to get married would definitely be considered too long as they have to accommodate to the ticking biological clock to conceive children. 

Watch our video to find out more about people’s opinions as to how long is too long to wait to get married. 

@theurbanwire

If you liked it, then you should have put a ring on it ~ but when? We’re reigniting an old discussion – the ideal time for a couple to date before getting married. From two years to even ten, every individual has different perspectives on how long it takes for a relationship to sufficiently develop to the point of marriage.👰 Join The UrbanWire as we find out how long our students would wait before walking down the aisle 💍 Read the full story with the link in our bio! #theurbanwire #interview #marriage #ngeeannpoly#singapore #fypsingapore #tiktoksg

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Videographer: Kristel Tan