A shadow travels down the dark alley, slowly and steadily. He yields a long weapon, its shiny metal finishing glinting under the dim streetlights. Creeping up to a polished Nissan Presea, he climbs onto the roof of the red beauty, raises the sledgehammer high into the air and brings it down with a loud thud. No, you’re not witnessing a vandal in action. It’s musician and creator of Auto Auto, Christian von Richthofen.

UrbanWire reviews Auto Auto in excerpts of a fictional court-case.

Disclaimer:

Witness 1 was conceptualised from quotes of concert-goer Chris Prenner, a music teacher. Witness 2 was conceptualised from the UrbanWire interview with Christian von Richthofen at his meeting with some youths prior to the concert. Witness 3 was conceptualised from UrbanWire’s observations at the concert and quotes of concert-goers Michelle Lee, section leader in her secondary school’s band, Tasha Chia, tertiary student and Jonathan Wee, aspiring musician. Christian von Richthofen’s quotes were from UrbanWire’s interview with Christian. Prosecution and Defence scripts are entirely fictional.

The Prosecutor

Full Name: Dan Lee
Occupation: Full-time Car-Lover
Hobbies: Polishing the car, cleaning the car, vacuuming the car, naming the car.
Famous Quote: “Don’t you dare put your greasy fingers onto my precious car!”
Represented by: Tock Wah Song, on behalf of the Car Lovers Association (CLA)

The Defendant

Full Name: Christian von Richthofen
Occupation: Musician, Full-time Dad and Creator of Auto Auto
Hobbies: Helping youths to use their energy for music, visiting scrap yards, tapping on anything and everything to make music.
Famous Quote: “Music is always in my mind.”
Represented by: Trish van Ruud, on behalf of the Auto Auto fans (AA)

It Begins

Case No. 123728A. Prosecutor, Dan Lee is pressing charges against defendant, Christian von Richthofen for disfiguring a red Nissan Presea on June 8, 2008 at 8pm at the Esplanade.

Opening

Judge UW: Opening statements please.
Prosecution: Your Honour, we should not let vandals escape through our fingers! *punches fist in the air* Let one go free and all the cars in Singapore will be in grave danger… Our streets will no longer be safe. *stands on the chair* Where will we hide our cars? How can we afford car invisibility cloaks? We are in grave danger unless the defendant is found guilty. We are doomed! *squats on the chair with hands covering his head*

Judge UW: Be warned that any more exaggerations from you and you will be sent out!
Defence: *throws a quizzical look at the crouching lawyer* Your Honour, with all due respect, I cannot allow his exaggerations to cloud Your Honour’s impression of my client. My client, Christian von Richthofen, is no vandal. He is the world-acclaimed musician who makes music out of anything and everything. I shall prove my case that my client is simply challenging the conventional notions we have about what music is. Thank you.

The Witnesses

Judge UW: Bring in your 1st witness to the stand.
Witness #1: Simon Horsell, Dean of the Maxwell Music College

Defence: Where were you on the evening of June 8, 2008?
Witness 1: I was at Esplanade, watching Auto Auto with my wife and 2 children.
Defence: Tell us what you recall from the concert.
Witness 1: Christian started singing Toccata & Fugue in D Minor by Bach! Bach’s masterpiece! As Dean of Music, I give you my word that the man is 100% musician. What a splendid way to play Bach! I never dreamed of Bach being played on such an unconventional instrument.
Defence: Can you describe how he was playing on the car? And how was it musical to you?
Witness 1: The beats were so rhythmical, they followed the 4 beats per bar as in the scores for Bach. He had the car windows as bass drums, the car doors as tom-toms while the high-hat could be found on the sides of the car. He wasn’t creating a ruckus; he was making music out of long-neglected unconventional instruments.
Defence: So it was music?
Witness 1: Yes, I would go so far to call him the best drummer in the world!
Defence: Thank you. No further questions, Your Honour.

Prosecution: The axe and electric saw were introduced to the audience later. Were you scared?
Witness 1: Well, I was for a minute or so until I realised it was Bach.
Prosecution: And music is subjective to personal opinion right?
Witness1: Yes of course, but audiences are slowly accepting unconventional instruments like the recycled materials used by STOMP.

Judge UW: Thank you. Bring in your 2nd witness.
Witness #2: Claire Dupont, college student

Defence: Tell us your relation to Christian.
Witness 2: I help out after school at the music workshops Christian holds once a week for youths. I’ve been helping out for a year now.
Defence: Okay, so you were aware of his interest in unconventional music?
Witness 2: Definitely, I remember he used to tell us that he would like to put a voice to anything and everything. Give him just a pair of chopsticks now and he’ll probably be able to play around the whole court room.

Prosecution: You say that he plays on anything? Isn’t that dangerous?
Witness 2: No, it is not dangerous at all! Christian always ensures that it is safe.
Prosecution: But he’s dealing with hammers and axes! How can you consider that safe?
Witness 2: I’ve seen him in concert and at youth workshops. With the youth, he is very careful. He only uses instruments like chopsticks or peas in tin cans. He once said that instead of playing on stage, he could just play around the theatre!

Judge UW: The 3rd witness, please.
Witness #3: Kel Dunkirk, aspiring musician

Defence: You were at Christian’s concert in Singapore at the Esplanade Theatre on June 8, 2008?
Witness 3: Yes, I was.
Defence: Please describe how the performance went and tell us how you reacted to what was happening onstage.
Witness 3: I was seated at the Circle seats. A red Nissan lay onstage under spotlights, as if it was on exhibition at a car showroom. Almost half the audience were youths between the ages of 13 to 22. As described by Christian, the car needed tuning so he started sand-papering the sides of the saloon while his sidekick, Frank Vanet, used the windshield wipers in a musical collaboration that was quite pleasing to the ear. He often used jokes about cars to allay the audience’s concern over the disfiguring car.
Defence: What was your reaction?
Witness 3: At first I was concerned too but Christian had perfectly crafted the performance in a way that the car was not hacked immediately, but in a gradual slow process. He started with playing Mozart‘s Eine Kleine Nachtmuzik on the car like a piano, using only his hands. Later the percussionist moved around the car to accompany Vanet’s two-way song that was useful in interacting with the audience. He sang out a phrase that the audience later echoed after him. Nearly everyone sang along, sweeping aside our worries for the car. In their next theatrical act, Vanet described the car as “his precious”, using the famous line from the Lord of the Rings. A gleaming hammer on stage brought the audience back to reality after a rather comedic act. The first slash the car took seemed maniacal at first, but Christian, sensing the audience’s initial shock, quickly tossed another joke “not to worry because this car will be a Jaguar in its next life.” It did calm the audience down as curiosity took over, heavy with desire to see and hear what else these musicians could do with the car.

Defence: So do you consider the performance as “musical”?
Witness 3: Yes definitely, it was well co-ordinated – in the finale where Tchaikovsky’s Swan Lake was used, even the sparks emitted from the electrical saw were well co-ordinated almost like fireworks! There was split-second precision.
Defence: The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines music as “the science or art of ordering tones or sounds in succession, in combination, and in temporal relationships to produce a composition having unity and continuity” or as “vocal, instrumental, or mechanical sounds having rhythm, melody, or harmony.” What is your definition of music? Has watching Christian’s performance challenged your perception of conventional music?
Witness 3: Merriam-Webster’s definition covers Christian’s music entirely. Tones in succession? Check. In temporal relationships to produce a composition that has unity and continuity? Double Check. Prior to watching Auto Auto, I have never seen performances by other unconventional percussionists like STOMP. However, after catching Auto Auto, I’m in awe of how musically-talented he is. After all, it is not an easy job to make music out of anything and everything. It must be difficult to sing and play at the same time!

Judge UW: Let’s hear from Christian himself.

Christian: There’s always music in my mind. I have the beats inside and I want to bring it out so that I can put a voice to anything and everything. Take a keyboard, tap on it then combine it with something else! Music is a kind of language. Do you believe that everything has a sound? I could go around and play around the exterior of the whole theatre! I started the music programme for youths because street-fighting is a worldwide problem. These youths have a lot of energy, so take this energy and transform it into music. Inconsistent beats are noisy, but if we play together and communicate well, our beats become very musical.
Prosecution: Why do you use cars? It is far too dangerous?
Christian: I do think that the car is the most beautiful and underrated instrument in the world. It’s good for concerts under my strict supervision only. I decided not to use normal drum sets, because with so much high energy on the loose, the drum’s skin is in danger of tearing, so I use unbreakable things – like plastic canisters for tom-toms, any piece of metal for a high hat, 33cm long sticks, cardboard boxes…
Prosecution: So now you use any car you can find?
Christian: All the cars used are from the scrap yard. I go there, practice on some cars to find the best car. These are cars that people have thrown away already. So we give them ‘a last concert’ before they go.

Closing

Judge UW: Closing statements, please.

Prosecution: Your Honour, the witnesses have expressed evidences of fear, concern for the car and the instruments used in this ‘performance’ by the defendant. The prosecution strongly feels that these concerns should be taken into consideration in Your Honour’s final deliberation.
Defence: Your Honour, it is noted with regret that the prosecution has not accepted that music can come in many forms – in the conventional grand pianos or unconventional instruments like old tin cans, used boxes and cars. My client is very stringent with adhering to stipulated safety levels for his performances. The witnesses have shown my client’s charitable acts to help the youth, his passion for music and his excellence as a percussionist who merely seeks to challenge people’s perception of music. Thank you.

The Verdict

Judge UW: After much deliberation, Christian von Richthofen is found not guilty. All charges against him are dropped as he has shown musical talent. However, it is of the court’s concern that you deliver this phrase with a serious face at the end of every performance – “Do not try this at home or in the car park.” Case dismissed.

As Christian leaves, he stops to pull a stern face, “Do not try this at home,” before winking and adding, “or the police will catch me at the airport when I fly home!” Auto Auto, the best mix of a mechanical performance and the theatrical Christian von Richthofen, left the audience with a newly found desire to tap their fingers rhythmically on the wooden counter and escalator sides as they made their way out of the theatre.

Auto Auto is scheduled for the Henley Festival in England on July 12.

Images of the Auto Auto concert courtesy of Esplanade Co. Ltd.
Images of Christian von Richthofen courtesy of Jeremy Boo and Valerie Oliveiro.