Joy NgPhoto Essay
The dating scene is ever changing. There will always be couples who tie the knot after knowing each other through friends, at the workplace, or even a “love at first sight” situation. Then, there is also the atypical method of finding your partner, also known as unconventional dating.
One of them is arranged marriage, which involves parents matchmaking their sons or daughters to a partner they deem acceptable, regardless of their child’s feelings (or objections). Before the 60s, arranged marriage is commonplace. However, arranged marriages were on the wane after the 60s due to urbanization, education, and more empowered females who enter the workforce and make a living for themselves.
The importance of education and career resulted in later marriages amongst Singaporeans in the new millennium, which spurred the setting up of the Social Development Network (SDN) to encourage Singaporeans to get married. The organization and partnering agencies help to organize social events for singles to mingle.
Events range from speed dating over a meal, recreational activities (sightseeing, dance or baking sessions), to trips down to one of Singapore’s islands or even nearby Johore Bahru. This is the first example of the current unconventional dating methods.
Social Events
A short walk away from Raffles Place MRT, One Plus One is a SDNTrust accredited dating agency that specializes in organizing social events for Singaporean and Singaporean PRs. According to their website, over 29,000 people have attended their events in the past 10 years. Additionally, Mr Single Bells, a blogger whom documents his speed dating experiences, stated that their events tend to be priced cheaply. Crosschecked on SDN’s dating events page, One Plus One indeed organizes events that are cheaper than other agencies most of the time.
Private Lunch Dates
The 2nd method of unconventional dating would be a private set-up that involves a private consultation with the agency, waiting to be matched for a date and then going for the date. As easy as it seems, this method can’t always be trusted, especially when picking your agency. There are cases of hidden costs, unprofessional service, empty promises and neglect. Consider “It’s Just Lunch”, located just opposite Funan at City Hall MRT. Majority of the forum boards had negative reviews about them (there’s even a complaint website dedicated to them) and some customers are going as far as taking them to court.
Fortunately, not all agencies are out to cheat your money. Some dating agencies genuinely (or so they claim) want to help singles find their other half. Violet Lim, Founding Director of Lunch Actually, set up this company when she noticed her friends and colleagues were too busy with their work to find time to date. That’s when she conceptualized the idea of a lunch dating specialist (taken from their website). Lunch Actually is also a SDNTrust accredited agency, and has helped many couples tie the knot. In fact, couples who met through their agency occasionally invite Violet Lim to their wedding. The nearest MRT to Lunch Actually is Dhoby Ghaut Station, through the Istana Park exit.
On a different note, as Lunch Actually organized lunch dates, they have a system called “Lunch Partners”, where they set up dates for match made couples to go to, depending on the choice of cuisine. One of them is The French Stall, a bistro that serves French Cuisine a 5-minute walk away from Farrer Park MRT Station.
According to Chef Xavier, his reason for partnering with the dating agency was “to attract a new group of customers”. The marketing company he was working with suggested a partnership with Lunch Actually to promote the café and hence he followed their advice.
Established 14 years ago, The French Stall has constantly renovated their place. One concept that doesn’t change however would be the lack of air condition to have an outdoor feel. Chef Xavier says that he wants to recreate the French Bistro dining concept. All he wants is the customers to feel happy, and for them to fit into the easy-going atmosphere of the restaurant. While the same can’t be said for the other lunch partners, The French Stall treats the couples sent there by Lunch Actually as regular customers.
Chef Xavier doesn’t believe in differentiating customers, and especially when he or she is here on a date. If he or she planned for the date to be here because he/she was a customer, then giving unexpected extra service would not be a good thing. He/she may take it in a different manner (then what the café would want). His belief especially applies to couples that were match made and set-up at the bistro.
“You cannot give a forced special attention (to the couple), as they would be living in a dream. When it comes to blind dates, you would want to face reality, you wouldn’t want anything to be fake.” quoted from Chef Xavier.
Dating Sites and Applications:
“The whole takeaway is: The people there do not bare much substance to qualify as a romantic prospect.” This is coming from someone who joined Skout just to see what kind of people were on it and how they react to provocation. The users of the app are very interesting; they range from old aunties, young girls and mostly adventure-seeking young men who are only looking for a cheap fling.
Yaw Onn thinks that there’s a gap to overcome when seeking a partner on dating sites and applications, because all you have is a profile and a picture, which only covers the surface information of the person. What it lacks is a human touch, connecting to the person personally. For friends perhaps, it is effective. Of course, this is from the point of view of someone who never intended to meet up with the people he talked to on the app, so it does not include the full experience of a dating app user.
Yuan Yang was introduced to Skout by Yaw Onn. They (both Yaw Onn and Dee) introduced Yuan Yang as a serious user, so I thought he was genuinely looking for a relationship using Skout. That turned out to be wrong as I found out that he is already attached, and is only using Skout to socialise with people. In his case, the people that approach him tend to be foreigners, gays and older women, and most of them are looking to have “a good time”. Some of them even told him “come to my room, I’ll pay you”.
When asked about the effectiveness of dating applications, he replied, “if you believe in it, anything is possible if you are lucky enough.” However, his next follow-up says otherwise, and I quote: “Guys are not looking for anything serious, honestly. It is the girls who are generally more serious in looking for relationships.”
The facts that the dating app users pointed out seem to apply to dating site users too (at least, for Mandy). Using her circle of friends and herself as judge, she agrees that only girls are more serious when it comes to looking for relationship on dating sites. Even the guys that talked to her on LoveStruck.Com, less than half of them were looking for one. The others were more interested in having a friend with benefits.
Currently, she is taking a break from the site as she is suffering from a heartbreak (by a guy not through the dating site). With her experience, she has little hopes when it comes to finding ‘the One’ from the site, as her friends have been on serious dates that flopped, and she herself have yet to find any good prospects. On the bright side, she does keep in contact with some guys, only as friends.