Chloe Low
The news that brings tears of joy to many married women took a few minutes to sink in for 19-year-old Nurulhuda. Unlike these women, she was in her final year at the Institute of Technical Education (College West – Clementi).
Questions started filling Nurul’s mind, from how to break the news to her strict Muslim parents, to whether the Malay society would accept her as an unwed teenage mother.
She felt so weak-hearted that she asked her cousin of the same age to talk to her parents on her behalf.
Luckily for Nurul, her parents were surprisingly supportive, despite the disappointment they felt of knowing she had fallen victim to a problem especially prevalent among Malay youths her age.
Adding insult to injury, the child’s father, her ex-boyfriend, refused to take responsibility and acknowledge her child.
“He never asked how I was doing with the pregnancy. He never bothered showing support. Even his parents ignored the fact that the baby is their son’s,” Nurul recalled.
Currently, Nurul is working as an administrator and is supporting her child alone, with the help of her family.
She earns about $1,200 monthly and sets aside $500 of her salary for milk powder, baby food, diapers, medical check-ups and other essentials for her six-month-old son.
A tin of baby milk, which lasts a week, costs $36, amounting to more than $100 spent on milk alone per month.
A study conducted by The Straits Times last year revealed that there were 833 pregnancies among girls aged 19 and under, and a total of 1,363 teenage abortions in Singapore. Teenage pregnancy has become a pressing concern, with the Malay community making up more than half of all teenage deliveries in 2004.
Various Malay-Muslim bodies have stepped up efforts to help troubled teenagers, including NUR, an integrated rehabilitative programme that was set up in 2005. NUR consists of five drop-in centres and a helpline, NURteensLINE.
In 2007, the first shelter for pregnant Malay-Muslim teens opened its doors to girls who face emotional abuse and a lack of support from home.
Despite the pervasiveness of this problem, sex is still a taboo subject in Malay-Muslim society. Malay girls who get pregnant out of wedlock are commonly shunned by a community ingrained with strong traditional and cultural social values.
In Nurul’s case, she has had to endure malicious remarks on her blog and bear with disapproving stares from middle-aged Malay women on the streets.
“Even now, whenever I take a walk with my son, I still get weird stares from Malay aunties and I see them whispering to their friends,” she said with a wry smile.
When asked whether she had considered an abortion, Nurul shook her head firmly, reaffirming that she would never resort to “killing” her own flesh and blood.
According to Mr Muhammad Fareez, a 27- year-old social worker at The Ang Mo Kio Family Service Centres, the most common age range of pregnant teenagers he has counselled is between the ages of 17 and 20. Most of them resolved to keep their children.
But are these young mothers ready for the heavy responsibility of raising children?
Typically, families resort to marrying their daughter off to the boyfriend to save face, failing to realise that the young couple may not be emotionally or financially prepared.
This has resulted in a significant number of teenage divorces, which amounts to 30 percent of all Muslim divorces each year, which stood at 492.8 per thousand in 2005, compared with the overall rate of 285.7 per thousand.
To curb these figures, the minimum age for Muslim marriages has been raised from 16 to 18, according to an article in The Straits Times in November last year.
“Families need to be aware that marriage is not the only solution. Further problems may arise if the couple is not emotionally ready to commit,” Mr Fareez emphasised.
Knowing that the baby’s father wasn’t ready to support the child, Nurul decided to bring up the child alone.
“I intend to further my studies right now, but due to financial constraints, I’ve to hold back and work to support my son,” she said.
“The joys that come along with being a mom is great and the difficulties I went through during my pregnancy were well worth it, but I wouldn’t want my son to go through what I went through when he grows up.”
For help, the NURteensLINE is 9777 7687
10 Signs of being Pregnant
Text by Chloe Low
1. Delayed or missed periods are probably the most common signs of women getting pregnant.
2. Nausea and vomiting are other common symptoms of pregnancy. Often referred to as “morning sickness”, the onset of nausea can actually occur at any time of day or night. And while these symptoms generally do not appear until about a month after conception, many lucky women do report feelings of nausea earlier on, while others never experience it at all.
3. Beginning about two weeks after conception, the nipple area of the breasts (areolas) will start to darken and enlarge. Increasing hormone levels will also likely result in swollen or sore breasts. Luckily, this discomfort should start to diminish after the first trimester (or about 12 weeks after conception).
4. One of the first signs of pregnancy is intense tiredness; and while we still do not know what causes pregnancy fatigue, it is likely that rapidly fluctuating hormone levels are responsible.
5. Many pregnant women also report experiencing a small amount of bleeding a week or two after conception as the embryo implants itself into the lining of the uterus. This type of bleeding is lighter in color than a normal period and only lasts for a couple of days.
6. Pregnant women do have an increased sensitivity to odor, which is why many become turned off by foods and smells they previously enjoyed. Likewise, some may become suddenly attracted to odors they previously repelled.
7. Just as PMS can cause bloating just before a period, hormonal factors during pregnancy can also result in abdominal swelling long before your uterus will start to expand.
8. Beginning about six weeks after conception, an increase in bodily fluids will cause you to feel the need to urinate more frequently than normal.
9. If you’ve been monitoring your basal body temperature, there should be an increase in temperature when you become pregnant.
10. To be reliable, a home pregnancy test should be taken about a week after your period was supposed to begin. So if you do decide to take one before then, be aware that a negative result may not be accurate.
Ovulation Calendar:
Day 1 – First day of your cycle
Day 11 – A little bit fertile
Day 12 – Fertile
Day 13 – VERY fertile
Day 14 – Time to ovulate
Day 24th – A home pregnancy test may work now.
Day 28 – End of cycle
Day 31 – No period? Maybe you’re pregnant!